One presumption for missionaries, I can attest to anecdotally at least, is that they love to get out there and interact with people.

I recall when my wife and I were looking to be missionaries under a specific mission board— they said that they were looking for candidates who were passionately and enthusiastically evangelistic. I must be honest here— I HATE cold call evangelism. I think I would rather have my fingernails pulled from their roots. Well, maybe that is taking things too far. I think I could say, however, that I would prefer to have two or three toenails pulled from their roots over doing cold call evangelism. That sounds about right. That mission agency, however, at the time was all about missionaries being pioneering creators of church-planting-movements (CPMs). They were not interested in missionaries teaching, doing leadership development, social ministry, translating or any other such thing. That is fine— you plant the seeds of the fruit you want to produce. I had friends with CCC (now “CRU”) who placed a very high importance on rather aggressive cold call evangelism. (Their push on evangelism might even have been more aggressive than their fund-raising activities.) That is okay in and of itself, but I did have problems with the training where they would teach that “Every true Christian just naturally has a great burden and desire to share the gospel with everyone.” Teaching something so self-evidently false (and organizationally self-serving), just helps create shame and doubt about one’s own relationship with God. I have definite issues with that.

I have had to embrace roles that pushed me out of my preferred safe space. When taking CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), I had to spend time in a hospital visiting patients. That was hard for me. Not all of this was due to social anxiety. I was the only foreign-looking guy walking around the hospital. My language skills were abysmal. My Tagalog has always been poor, but most of the patients preferred Ilocano or Kankana-ey. That being said, language and “foreign-ness” is not the total answer. I recall, for example, a couple of trainees from Myanmar. They spoke English as a second language, and did not speak any Tagalog or other Filipino language. They also looked at least somewhat foreign or out-of-place. When they asked my wife (a CPE supervisor) what to do, she just told them to smile and all others to react to this. That went very well, people would invite them over and just start talking. Although that did happen to me, most of the time I think I gave off an uncomfortable vibe.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I cannot deal with people face-to-face. In seminary I do pretty well, as well as the counseling center. Even in meeting strangers, I can do it okay in the right setting. For example, I said that I struggled at the hospital. However, I was MUCH more comfortable and competent in jail. First of all, at jail, the guards ask if there was any PDLs (persons denied liberty) who wanted to talk to a counselor. Because of this, I did not feel like I was imposing. Anyone who saw me wanted to talk to me. Second, most of the PDLs were pretty good in English. I am not sure what that means. Maybe good English makes one more criminal. (I feel like one could make a strong argument for this from history. Joking?) I found the experience very positive.

I also tend to do better with groups than individuals. I like to say that I am much more comfortable speaking to 1000 people than to 1 person. That is often quite accurate.

So being socially awkward (as well as an introvert) a problem in missions? Here are a few thoughts.

#1. There are challenges that need to be overcome. Socially adept (and extroverts) tend to learn language faster. I saw a Chinese student go from almost no English skills to being remarkably competent in six months. After English training during the day, he would literally go from door to door in dorms, knocking and asking if they could talk. I also had a student who never really got beyond educationally serviceable English after years at seminary. She avoided talking to people where she would have to use English, and generally stayed within her close-knit group of countrymen. Sometimes, I do have to “pretend” to be someone else— an out-going person who embraces the uncomfortable. It is not about being true to oneself. We all have to do things that are out of our wheelhouse.

#2. There are advantages to these qualities. I used to say regarding my wife and I that “I minister to paper, so that my wife can minister to people.” I generally avoid saying this (because of the next point) now but it can still be true. My wife loves talking to people— although far from all the time. She is probably more of an “Ambivert”— valuing interacting with people as well as down-time. I often happily do some of the tasks that others hate— working on training materials, correspondence, tracking statistics, writing reports, analyzing and synthesizing work, and so forth. Frankly, some of these make me better when I do interact with people. I often am decent at teaching topics that are not my specialty, because I am the one who has collected the training sources, analyzed, structured them, and put them into formats for trainees. After doing all of that, I feel pretty good leading a class in that topic.

#3. However, as I like to say, “Your strength is also your temptation.” I am good at behind the scenes tasks— reading, writing, and so forth. Being good at that, while being more uncomfortable with social situations can tempt one to hide in the background. I have fallen into that trap at times— becoming bound to my computer as others get out there and interact with people. I need to challenge myself. In fact, over the years I have become much more comfortable socially. I recall the first time I spoke in public— 10th grade English. I was supposed to tell people what I wanted to do when I grew up. One of my classmates gave me the following critique— “He held onto the podium so tightly, as if he was afraid that if he fell he would miss the floor.” (Pretty good writing for 10th grade English!) Frankly, in many settings, I don’t think people notice my discomfort, and sometimes even I don’t notice. I am not an eye contact person, and that doesn’t necessarily fly well in the US, where eye contact is often seen as important in one-on-one conversations. However, in the Philippines, eye contact is seen as rather aggressive, and indirect communication is seen as better, generally, than American-style direct communication. Therefore, sometimes I do BETTER than my more socially adept fellow countrymen.

#4. Generally, one should find one’s lane. Paul wasn’t, according to him, a great orator. It is pretty clear that he wasn’t a great missionary strategist. His greatest success was in following the pattern set by Barnabas. When he went onto his own plans— going to Jerusalem and then to Rome— he seems to have wasted, generally, five years of his life. But things are not all bad. Paul was impassioned and adventurous. He was willing to violate social norms and cultural barriers. He was a good contextual theologian, and a great writer. He also appeared be a fairly strong mentor. Do one’s role with excellence, regularity, and diligence. Do what is uncomfortable until one gets comfortable with it or one can hand it off to another. I had to be a youth pastor at a churchplant for around 5 months. I truly hated that role. I will say that many of the youth enjoyed the group. I did what I had to do until I could pass it on. I also had to preach sometimes. I did it enough until I was fairly good at it. I am not excellent at it, and I am quite happy not to preach. I feel that some people are really great at polemics, and have a passion for this. As for me… I do it when I am asked and do so without great trepidation. I pushed those boundaries in my comfort zone until the zone was bigger. Still, much like Paul, I am happy to acknowledge others (like Apollos) are more passionate and gifted in that ministry.

I have often said that spirituality is not the defining feature of missionaries. Missionaries are too much focused on action to have a deeply spiritual inner life. (I hope such a disclosure doesn’t shock anyone.) However, two defining features of missionaries to me are:

A. Willingness— willing to go where sent and to do what is necessary.

B. Flexibility— able to adjust to new settings— growing and changing as necessary.

I think that introverts and extroverts, the shy and the outgoing, the optimist and the pessimist— well, they all have struggles with these two points. Extroverts (as well as the socially outgoing and the eternal optimists) are going to struggle in certain times and places int terms of willingness to do what needs to be done, and the ability to flex and grow to a new setting. Missions is a big tent with many areas for people of different giftings and talents. All missionaries need to find their part of the tent, but willing to explore the other areas as well, as needed.