I am slow in learning and using online acronyms. I only learned what FOMO meant perhaps a year ago (“fear of missing out”). Only a few days ago I learned JOMO— “Joy of Missing Out.”
As a shy introvert I missed out on a lot, especially when I was young. But even then there was a part of me that appreciated some aspects of my social awkwardness. It kept me out of trouble I suppose. Still, occasionally, I would be faced with opportunities. “Try it, you’ll like it,” or “Try it, you might like it.” Now, my ability to not like new stuff is pretty legendary. I recall the first, and almost last, time I had beer as feeling like I was drinking water stagnating at the bottom of a garbage pail. (How would I know this?)
As such, if someone offered me cocaine (hasn’t happened yet) with the tagline, “Try it… You might like it,” I think my response would be something like, “I absolutely might like it. That is why I don’t want to try it.”
In the end, one’s life is primarily measured in terms of time and relationships. If you want to add accomplishments to that list, that is fine (although I might secretly judge you). Perhaps better than accomplishments would be “legacy” or “pilgrimage.” The former suggests that one’s impact on those around is important (linked to human relationships), while the latter suggests living out the path of one’s divine calling or design (linked to one’s relationship with God).
Time is bounded and limited on an absolute timescale— our birth year, our death year, our place in human history. It is also bounded in a relative or narrative timescale. Our story begins, progresses, and ends. This second form of time is less absolute. We can say fairly confidently who lived longer of two people, but we may have a more difficult time saying who lived “more.”
Doing more stuff does not necessarily mean having a fuller life. A cluttered hoarder house has more stuff in it than other houses. That does not mean the house is more lived in, or in some way has achieved a higher level of “house-ness.”
Saying No to activities in life doesn’t always have to be moral. I was raised in a church where alcohol is sin, along with dancing, and going to movies. It almost seems as if they had a rubric of “if some people find this fun, God is likely pretty against that.” Rejecting this view doesn’t mean one must embrace these. I still don’t drink alcohol because I don’t like the taste and doubt that it would add quality to my life. I don’t dance, on the other hand, because I really enjoy every opportunity I can get to NOT dance. On the other hand, I enjoy movies, and appreciate numerous genres of books and music.
As opposed to moralizing things, most things are for each person to decide… does it add to one’s life and relationships? And that is truly for them to decide. I enjoy blogging and am not interested in the discussions of others as to whether it adds to or detracts from my life. I have friends who golf and they find value in it. That is great. But I have never tried it. For me it feels like something that takes up too much time and money. Again, however, that is my decision only. It is not a moral judgment.
The above paragraphs probably make me sound pretty boring. That’s fine. I would say, however, that there is indeed joy of missing out, JOMO. I was taught in the Navy that it is ‘better to burn out than it is to rust out.’ Another word of wisdom was, ‘Work hard, play hard ‘ I have known too many people who burned out too early, and others whose play had damaged their work and life in general. I wonder if these bits of wisdom were originally promulgated by leasers to get more work of the enlisted.
Instead of taking this much further, I would say that intentionality of what one does and does not do is important.
FOMO is not so much about fear, but about envy, and about dissatisfaction. JOMO is not so much about joy, but about satisfaction in one’s limitedness and intentionality in living out one’s priorities.
